


Unsteady

by multipliiehearts



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternative ending of season 04/beginning of season 5, Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-10 07:18:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14732420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multipliiehearts/pseuds/multipliiehearts
Summary: Chapter 1: Selina's condition worsens and the ambulance has to go back to Gotham General.Chapter 2: Bruce says goodbyeChapter 3: Bruce is consumed by anger and wants to avenge Selina





	1. Can’t do this again

Alfred looks down at the girl in front of him, she is surrounded by many different machines. Her face is pale and forehead sweaty.  
Since they left the hospital she has had three episodes. Episodes where her pressure skyrocketed and her heart rate dropped dangerously low. The first one happened when they were on their way to the evacuation boat: her heart rate was dropping dangerously fast and they had to go back to Gotham general. In the ride back to the hospital she flatlined, but the nurses gave her chest compressions and managed to revive her. But he vividly remembers the seconds where he thought they had lost her, that the girl he watched grow up was dead.  
After that, she had had two smaller episodes. But the nurses managed to stabilize her, for now. The nurses don’t know if she will be okay, her body is not responding the way they want it to and they are unsure of what to do. 

He looks down at the phone buzzing in his hand, Bruce name flashing across the screen. He is dreading the questions he knows he will get asked. 

“Master Bruce” he greets as he answers the call.

“How is she?” Bruce's voice sounds brittle and Alfred opens his mouth to answer. But closes it again, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t want to worry the young man but he doesn’t want to lie to him either. The silence on both lines feels suffocating.

“Alfred. Answer me! How is she?!” Bruce's voice is panicked.

“We don’t know Bruce, she is alive for now. But her body isn’t responding to the medication and she had had serval episodes. We couldn’t transfer her since her condition worsened so we're still in Gotham” Alfred tries to sound calm, but even he is worried for the girl laying in front of him. 

“What, why didn’t you tell me you were in Gotham” 

“I didn’t want you to see her like this if she didn’t...”

The machines connected to Selina starts going off again. Nurses rush into the room, once again ushering him out of the room. He turns to look at Selina through the window, but the nurses make him unable to see her clearly. 

“What’s happening? Alfred!?” He asks, his voice breathy. Alfred ignores the voice on the other line as he watches the nurses work on Selina, frantically trying to stabilize her again. 

“WHAT’S HAPPENING”Bruce's voice is rough and he is breathing heavily. Alfred looks down at the phone in his hand again before he shakily raises it to his ear.

“I don’t know...She...- she is having another episode. But don’t worry Bruce, she survived the others. She is strong, she will be fine” He says trying to sound certain to calm the young man on the other line.

“Her body is not responding, we're losing her!” The nurse’s voice cut through the silence and Alfred has to sit down on the couch placed in the hallway. The tears burning in his eyes and he closes his eyes; the girl can’t die, she has her whole life in front of her. She is one of the strongest people he knows, a bullet won’t kill her.

Then it happens, Selina flatlines. 

Alfred feels as if the whole world is going in slow-motion as the nurses desperately try to revive her. 

Suddenly the double doors at the end of the hallway slams open and Bruce rush through them.  
For a second the young man is filled with relief to see the butler, but the relief soon turns into dread when he sees the sad look on his face. Bruce stops dead, it feels like someone ripped his heart out of his chest. Nonono, this cannot be happening  
He rushes past Alfred and tries to open the door, but Alfred grabs him. He tries to free himself from the older man’s grip.

“Let me go” his voice breaks and his eyes looks glossy.

“You... -you can’t go in there Bruce” Bruce looks like he wants to argue, but he nods and Alfred slowly lets him go. Bruce rushes towards the door and looks through the window, pressing his forehead against the cold glass. His breathing causes the glass to fog up, almost making him unable to see the girl on the other side of the door. 

_Selina ___

__His breath catches in his throat and he has to hold back a sob, she looks even worse than he dared to imagine; her face looks almost white, her lips almost look blue and the hospital bed makes her look vulnerable._ _

__Her heart has stopped, the realization feels like a punch to the stomach. The fear of losing her making him feels as if he is going to throw up.  
Bruce feels as if the dread is going to drown him.  
_He can't do this again, he can't lose another person he loves to a gun._

____

____Don't take her away too. ____ _ _

____The nurses are still working on her, not giving up on the girl laying in front of them.  
They continue trying, giving her chest compressions in hope to revive the girl. But her body has given up and it’s nothing they can do. The nurses stop what they are doing and look at each other sadly._ _ _ _

____“When is the time of death?”_ _ _ _

____“The time of death is 23.22”_ _ _ _

____Bruce’s leg buckles and he falls to his knees, the world around him turning into a blur. The emotional pain seeping through his whole body and his chest aching.  
He barely hears Alfred call out his name. Alfred falls to his knees beside him, pulling the young man into his arms. A raw cry comes from the young man’s mouth as his whole body starts trembling and the raw sobs start echoing in the hallway. The hysterical sobs making him gasp for air, his arms grasping onto Alfred and the tears streaming down his face. The butler rubs his back, his own eyes burning with tears. They both lost someone they cared deeply for today, but Alfred knows that the loss he is feeling isn't close to the pain Bruce is feeling._ _ _ _

____Selina Kyle is dead._ _ _ _

____And a part of Bruce died with her._ _ _ _


	2. A walking disaster

Bruce is sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes are focused on the wall opposite of him, expressionless.  
One of the nurses are talking to Alfred, they both glancing at him worriedly. But Bruce doesn’t care, the feeling of numbness spreading in him. The numbness almost making the ache he is feeling bearable, _almost _.__

____She is dead _ _  
__She left you _ ______ _ ____

______Silent tears are still rolling down his cheeks as he stares at the wall blankly. Alfred walks back to him, his eyebrows scrunching together in concern. He is worried about the young man, he hasn’t said anything since it happened and it looks like he has aged years in just a few minutes. He sits down beside the brooding teen, not knowing what to do.  
Another nurse walks out of Selina’s room, she looks at them sadly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You can see her now if you want too”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bruce stands up, ignoring the tears streaming down his face as he walks past the nurse. He stops in the doorway, unable to move and his eyes etched onto the girl laying in the hospital bed. They have managed to clean her up, her face isn’t sweaty and her hair has been brushed. Her eyes are closed as if she was sleeping. And he wishes, God, he so badly wants that to be true. But her pale face, blue lips and the way she was lying so still prove otherwise._ _ _ _ _ _

______Bruce slowly walks up to her, reaching for her hand but recoiling when he feels how cold it is. He takes a deep breath and sits down on the chair next to her bed, his eyes not leaving her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______He gently touches her hair, carefully pushing a strand of hair behind her ear._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Gosh, I would do anything for you to come back and kick my ass for breaking the promise.” He smiles sadly, his eyes once again filling with hot tears. He takes her hand between his own, desperately trying to ignore how cold it is._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Please… Come back…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I…- I love you...” he chokes on his words. He buries his face in the bed beside her, his body wracking with sobs. It feels like his chest is on fire, and he feels like he can’t breathe.  
She would never cuss him out again, or be mad that he left her. He wonders, could he have spent more time with her alive if he hadn’t left. _ _ _ _ _ _

______He looks up at her, the tears making her blurry._ _ _ _ _ _

______His chest is heavy as he studies her, wanting to remember every detail of her face. His finger gently tracing her cheeks.  
She has a small scar on her forehead he notices if he had noticed that when she was alive he probably would have asked how she got it. She maybe would have told him about some accident from when she was a child._ _ _ _ _ _

______He smiles sadly, imagining a small Selina running around and then falling on her face. Her mom fast to help her and patch her up, gently blowing air on Selina’s head. But he knows that probably aren’t the case, she probably got that scar while living on the streets. With no mom to comfort her.  
He feels a scream of grief bundling up inside of him and he has to bite down on his lip, hard, to not scream. He can feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. _ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______\---- small time jump----_ _ _ _ _ _

______He sits with her for hours, not strong enough to let her go._ _ _ _ _ _

______He slowly stands up from the chair, his whole body shaking and still holding onto her hand, afriad to let go. He leans forward and gently kisses her forehead, some tears dropping down his jaw and he carefully strokes them from her face with his thumbs. He lets his forehead leaning against hers for a few seconds, trying to gain some strength. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and straightens his back._ _ _ _ _ _

______He slowly let’s go of her hand, the action hurting him. Making it feels like someone is twisting a knife in his chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______He turns around and starts to walk out of the room, every step feeling like a stab to the heart. A cold numbness starts spreading in his body. The anger starting to consume him, seeping out of every pore._ _ _ _ _ _

______He is mad at everything; he is mad at himself for letting her get hurt, the hospital because it couldn’t save her. He is mad at her for leaving him, that her life ended but his continues- he has to live his life without her._ _ _ _ _ _

______But the person he is most angry with is Jeremiah._ _ _ _ _ _

________He _ _took _ _her _ _away from him____ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____

__________He stops in the doorway but doesn’t dare to look back, he knows he won’t be strong enough to leave if looks at her. His whole body wants to go back to her, to hold her hand but he knows that she isn’t there. He keeps his back straight and walks out of the room, his nails digging into the flesh of his palms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He is going to kill Jeremiah._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It’s funny how promises to your self-doesn’t matter anymore when you already broke your promise to the girl you love._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. On the brink of insanity

Alfred looks at the back of the young man standing a few feet away, talking to Jim. His shoulders are tense and he is leaning onto the desk, he has a gash across his cheekbones and he is covered in bruises from various meetings with different criminals. He has gotten most of his injuries while trying to get information about Jeremiah’s whereabouts.  
He is worried about the boy, Bruce is acting more reckless than ever; constantly pushing himself and putting himself in dangerous situations. He doesn’t take care of himself and he sometimes forgets to tend to his injuries.

“We should look here next” Bruce’s voice breaks him out of this trance and he focuses his eyes on them again. Bruce is pointing at some point on the map, his eyes dark and his lips pursed in thought.

This is just another sleepless night in their search for Jeremiah. 

All of them are having a hard time sleeping, the criminals acting even worse during the night. But Bruce hasn’t slept much at all since it happened and he isn’t eating nearly as much as he should be. And when he actually does eat it always seems like he has to force himself to swallow the food. The dark circles underneath his eyes are getting even darker and his eyes have lost a little of their gleam.

His actions remind Alfred about how he acted after the death of his parents. And Alfred can’t help but remember who it was who made the kid smile and laugh for the first time since it happened. Selina, she was the one who made Bruce smile that day. A real and genuine smile and he remembers how the kids both run around the room, throwing food at each other. Acting like children, something they both probably hadn’t for a while.

But this time... This time she wouldn’t be here to make him laugh or smile. He has shrunk into himself and he doesn’t speak much, the only thing he really cares about is getting revenge on Jeremiah.

He hasn’t mentioned her name since the funeral, always coming to a painful stop before uttering her name. Her name not leaving his lips. He sometimes has to correct himself when speaking about her; saying was instead of saying is. His voice breaking as he does, his jaw clenched. 

His thoughts are interrupted when Bruce heavily sits down next to him, his mouth a straight line and his eyes brooding. 

“You should sleep, master Bruce” he looks at the boy, his eyes filled with concern.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried” Bruce sighs and gives him a tired smile, the smile not reaching his eyes.

“It’s just…every time I close my eyes… I can’t help but see her and…”

Alfred pulls Bruce into his arms. Wrapping his arms around the boys whose shoulders are shaking. 

“I can’t stop... it just replays in my head... and every time I’m unable to do something...I just… let it happen”

“It’s okay Master Bruce,” he says as he rubs the boy’s back, trying to calm him down. “- there was nothing you could have done.” 

“It happened so fast… I didn’t even realize he had a gun until… Gosh, she said our security system sucked but I didn’t do anything about it...” Alfred smiles sadly, remembering her showing up at the Wayne Manor on Bruce’s birthday.

“Yeah, I remember that. She agreed with me for once.”

Bruce lets out something between a laugh and a sob.

They sit like that for a few minutes before pulling away, Bruce drying his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. His eyes are red and puffy, he takes a shuddering breath before standing up and walking to the window.

Alfred is relieved to finally see some other emotion than anger in the boy, something he hasn’t been able to see since the funeral.  
The funeral barely counted as a funeral, since the city was being evacuated there was no chance of a proper funeral. But the nurses managed to get her a casket, Bruce dug the grave and he refused to let anyone else help him, so they left him alone. Not knowing what to say to him. The grave doesn’t even have a gravestone, nothing that acknowledges the girl who is buried below them.

It’s not like other people would care anyway, for most people she was just a homeless girl. But not for Alfred, Jim and certainly not Bruce, she was something much more.  
Bruce knows that Alfred and Jim are worried about him, he notices the worried glances they share as he spends another sleepless night looking for Jeremiah. The thought of revenge filling him. He always feels tired, but the nightmares keep him awake. So, he pushes the feeling of tiredness away, keeping himself busy on the streets.  
He knows how he is acting isn’t healthy, but he lost the energy to care the moment he lost her. 

Bruce remembers the funeral vividly. How it felt like he had a weight on his chest that made him unable to breathe properly. How he had broken down in the middle of his speech and sunk to his knees on the cold ground, his body wracking with sobs.  
Jim, Alfred, and Harvey had watched him sadly, not knowing what to do. The nurses from the hospital were at the funeral and they brought a hospital pastor with them, the pastor held a speech about death and how it was something beautiful. But Bruce disagreed, death wasn’t beautiful; it was heart-wrenching and left a hole inside of you, a hole that anyone besides them is unable to fill. Death takes people away and Bruce has lost many people to it.  
He shakes his head, trying to clear his mind.

“I’m going for a walk” he starts walking towards the door.

The second he reached the door he starts running, he needs to be alone. The worried glances and all the questions made him feel like a deer in headlights.

The cold night air fills his lungs. He stops running and walks into an alleyway, grabbing onto a fire exit staircase and smoothly pulling himself up on it.  
He climbs the staircase onto the roof and walks to edge, looking down at the dark city below him. The city really is chaos, criminals are running the streets.  
Bruce crouches down and climbs down the ladder a little when he hears people approach, they are load and laughing about something. 

Bruce’s body freezes when they mention Jeremiah. He waits until there are below him before he throws himself over the railing, landing in a crouching position in front of them. All of them gasp in surprise and jumps backward.  
Bruce quickly hits one of them across the face, making the person stumble backward in surprise. As the others approach him he quickly throws punches towards them, making them fall to the ground in pain. He grabs one of them off the ground, raw rage shooting through his veins.

“WHERE IS JEREMIAH?”

“He is in the warehouse,” the man says as he points towards a big building. 

Bruce nods before pulling his fist back and hitting the guy again, this time hard enough to knock him out. He starts running towards the building, hiding behind a car as he studies the windows. The whole building is dark and some windows have their blinds drawn.

He runs to the building, crouching by the wall as he walks towards the door and gently opens it. 

The door leads straight to a hallway, and at the end of the hallway is a door. Bruce takes a deep breath and starts running, his footsteps echoing between the walls. He is filled with an anger and a burning desire for revenge. He doesn’t care about the consequences, she deserves to be avenged.  
His eyes are glued to the door at the end of the corridor, he might be there. Jeremiah, the person who took her away from him. He doesn’t know how seeing Jeremiah will affect him, of the anger will consume him further or if it’ll break him.

He doesn’t really care to be honest.

He slams the door open, hard enough to make the door slam into the wall with a loud bang.

And there he is, in the middle of the room.

Jeremiah.

He is standing with his back against the door and Bruce raises his gun, pointing it at Jeremiah’s head. His hands aren’t shaking and his face is set, he feels so ready to do it... And it almost scares him, almost. 

The room is big and there is no furniture in it, the whole room has the same grey color. It reminds Bruce of Jeremiah’s bunker.  
Jeremiah turns around smiles wickedly.

“I knew you would find me eventually, Bruce.”

Bruce doesn’t answer, he continues to point the gun at Jeremiah’s head. His fingers almost touching the trigger. He slowly walks up to Jeremiah, pushing the shovel of the gun into his stomach.

“This certainly reminds me of something, but last time I was on the other side of the gun.” Jeremiah’s smile grows bigger.  
Bruce’s eyes darken and his fists clench around the gun.

“So, tell me… how is the little bitch doing?” Bruce grabs him by the throat and presses him to the wall. Rage flowed through him like lava.

“SHUT UP, DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE CALL HER THAT” Jeremiah’s smiles grow even bigger, a small giggle escaping his lips. Bruce pushes the gun deeper into Jeremiah’s stomach.  
“You have to aim well…like I did” his fist collides with the side of Jeremiah’s face, throwing his head to the side. Jeremiah laughs a barbaric sound that makes Bruce shiver. The blood painting Jeremiah’s teeth red.

“SHUT…” he pulls his fist back before letting it hit Jeremiah’s face again “-UP!”. He pulls Jeremiah back only to slam him into the wall again. Jeremiah’s head slams into the wall with a crack. But the smile doesn’t falter from his face, the crazy laughter echoing in the room.

“The girl…. Did she die alone?” Bruce presses the gun towards Jeremiah’s head, his mouth snarled and eyes filled with hatred.

“What’s her name again: Sienna, Serena or was it, Sierra? I never had time to ask, you know with her dying and all… and to be honest I never really cared enough to ask, she was just..."  
Bruce pulls the trigger, the blood splattering against the grey wall.

“Selina... Her name is-... was Selina.” He says his voice cracking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 notes:  
> sorry for the long wait, I have been lazy asf.  
> I'm not sure about the Jeremiah scene, I feel like it's a little bit rushed??

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what to think of this... I'm not overly happy with how it turned out.  
> The last sentence might be removed ( i don't really know what I think of it)


End file.
